i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my shit smells like andre
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
