So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
