Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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