I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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