They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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