So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
