Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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