YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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