Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sorry about my life...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
