i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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