No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize