i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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