I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
