Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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