Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
