grandma shit on top of the toilet
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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