i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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