went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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