Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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