shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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