At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
