question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I need to calm my uterus...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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