i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
