he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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