I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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