After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
