I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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