My pussy is not your playground.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
