Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
