If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
