How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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