after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
