Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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