Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
