just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
