So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
