you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
