from now on my penis is your penis
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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