I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"