Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Did you hit it?

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.

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  (617): Did you hit it? (616): Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes. http://tfl.nu/3ocm
  Replies (10) Good night (1173) Bad night (2223)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.

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  (203): I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under. http://tfl.nu/oj4t
  Replies (14) Good night (3542) Bad night (806)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...

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  (360): I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something... http://tfl.nu/7h7f
  Replies (21) Good night (7199) Bad night (1321)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?

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  (770): Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead? http://tfl.nu/xbgb
  Replies (29) Good night (2447) Bad night (4899)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  She even gives head with a lisp.

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  (407): She even gives head with a lisp. http://tfl.nu/76cl
  Replies (17) Good night (2609) Bad night (4931)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.

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  (763): Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub. http://tfl.nu/2fqf
  Replies (7) Good night (4579) Bad night (1187)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense

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  (920): I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense http://tfl.nu/23hg
  Replies (5) Good night (2805) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA

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  (954): STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA http://tfl.nu/oiv6
  Replies (21) Good night (1578) Bad night (3954)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.

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  (908): I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon. http://tfl.nu/vwke
  Replies (13) Good night (1907) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it

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  (619): The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it http://tfl.nu/3uov
  Replies (8) Good night (1324) Bad night (486)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.

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  (774): One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it. http://tfl.nu/38tv
  Replies (1) Good night (847) Bad night (368)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.

  (714): View more from California

  I'll wait.

  (714): View more from California

  It can also be a hat.

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  (714): We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock. (714): I'll wait. (714): It can also be a hat. http://tfl.nu/jio5
  Replies (4) Good night (781) Bad night (306)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up

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  (603): Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up http://tfl.nu/zd9p
  Replies (1) Good night (486) Bad night (260)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.

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  (727): You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again. http://tfl.nu/3xcj
  Replies (0) Good night (506) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.

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  (678): He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life. http://tfl.nu/xcye
  Replies (1) Good night (124) Bad night (338)

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