dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete