i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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