i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
