Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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