Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
