is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize