I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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