I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
