He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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