Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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