I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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