I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
