Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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