she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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