Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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