I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
