You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
