I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
