Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
