and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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