just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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