That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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