I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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