Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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