There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
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So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
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Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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