We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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