All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
