She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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